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Walking Through the Book of Esther: Chapter 5. Self Sabotage

Welcome back Beautiful,

I know I kind of took a bit of hiatus last two weeks.

Quick Story about me….I know this is about you and how you can become the Queen of your life…..but to let you in on a little secret I have still have a hard time with becoming the Queen of my own life.  I have a really hard following through on everything in my life.  I have sabotaged myself so many times.   Like the week before I took time off for Easter and My Birthday but man I really didn’t get back into the Walk Through the Book of Esther.  And then yesterday I was like OK I am going to jump start tomorrow, it is a new day, new week and had all these ideas  running around in my mind about what I could talk about this week and what I wanted to get done this week.


I got hit with a migraine.

Now if any of you have had migraine you know they can come on just like that.  One minute you are fine and then the next minute you are dying.

However as one who has spoken about changing your mindset and you can change your life.  The thought that I may have brought this on myself.    Why would I do that?  Why would I sabotage myself again? I hate that.. I don’t want to do that anymore.

I don’t know about you but I do want to step into the life God created me be.

So why in the world do we not do the things we know we are supposed to do?

This brings us Chapter 5 of the Book of Esther…..

Queen Ester Steps in to the Royal Court and by the invisible hand of God she is welcomed by the King.

She then request to have a banquet with the King and Haman.

Haman is so excited about this he was so high in spirit.  When left the royal court.  More than thrilled about dinning with the most powerful couple in their world.

But really he was not happy on the inside, really this is where the plot thickens, this is the beginning of the end of Haman.

Please if you haven’t read this chapter please stop now go and read it, we will wait.


Ok you have read it right?

Moving on…

Now I believe personally that the Bible is a very exciting read.  There is always something going on like love, hatred, murder, sex, revenge, bribes, loyalty and friendship, marriage.   You name it, which is what I love about the Book of Esther and with the approaching climax of the Book we get to sneak a peek into the mind of Haman.  Now Haman is the bad guy in this history lesson however we can learn from him, we can learn how our thoughts and how we feel on the inside is ultimately what is going to happen in our lives.  He was so full of self-doubt and was seeking outside validation for how awesome he is and was deeply concerned what others think of him.  On the way home seeing Mordecai, it infuriates him.  He then allows Mordecai to get him all worked up and mad that Haman has to brag about his dinning with the King and Queen and how many sons he has.

This is a true sign of someone who is not happy with themselves.   Someone who has to have outside approval in order to feel good about themselves.  And someone who will sabotage themselves without really realizing it.

Now I know that you don’t relate to Haman at all but in this post I can relate to him.  I have in my past seeked outside approval of others.

I too have sabotaged myself and made things worse in my life.  Now obviously I haven’t died.  But there are somethings in my life I have made worse that I wish could have change.

But this why we read the Bible so we can learn and grow.



Why do we do this to ourselves?

When things start to go really awesome in your life, it is extremely common to self-sabotage.  We as beautiful Queens get use to a certain level of money, love, and success and connection to God.

When we push past that, when we start to go after our dreams, it is not uncommon to do something that brings us back to what we view as comfortable.  When things start going amazingly well in our beautiful lives, simply my Queen breathe into and accept the discomfort.  It will soon become extremely comfortable and your new normal soon enough.

So what to do about self-sabotage? How can we (or just me) flip the switch on how to overcome!?

Find a Quite Space:

Yes you will need to find quite space for yourself.  A dark room

Is great way to start.  All you really need is about 10-20 minutes. The more you do it the easier it will become.


Close your beautiful eyes and think about what you need to do.  Or what you would like to happen.  What is the task or pray you want to happen? What needs to happen in your life to move you forward?

Imagine yourself doing the uncomfortable things.   Make the experience as meaningful and detailed as possible in your mind.  Really see the picture, feel the picture in your mind.


Notice all the feelings that are coming in you feel.  How does your chest feel, what does your limbs feel like?

Fear, anxiety, stress, hurt, and all the other feelings in between are just labels we put on energy sensations that our bodies are feeling.

When you start to recognize where you feel the negative energy.  It is notably uncomfortable in your chest and stomach are when you are stressed and get the flight or fight mode going.


Take a deep breath and visualize a window with light leading out all the negative energy.  When you are feeling fear, stress take this visualization to help the energy leave your body.  When you think about all the feelings you feel it is just energy.  And you can control the energy that comes and goes in your body.  Visualize it all going to God.  He can handle it.  Visualize Him taking all the fear, all the stress.  Just give it all over to Him.


OK so how do you feel (Um, I mean how do I feel)

It may take several time to feel more aligned with your goal of how you want to be and feel.  But don’t stop.  This is learning practice just like everything else in life you have to learn and keep at it to become good at it.  So don’t give up after the first time.


So the best time to do this is when the feelings start to come up.  Visualize the flight and fight emotions exiting out of your body and move on.  Easy right? Just give it to God.


Ok so I know a big part of my sabotage is trying to be perfect.  And for those who do believe saying your perfectionist is just being lazy is not a first born.  Because believe me I know, I understand what it is like to live in fear of not being perfect.  This exercise has helped me so much.  I am still a work in progress but I love that I have little things I can do during the day that keep me moving forward.  God wants all the little things and the big things in your life and He wants you to talk to Him during the Day.

And guess what God knows you are not perfect, and that is totally OK….you don’t have to be perfect to take action.

In order to up level you DON’T STAND IN YOUR OWN WAY!!!

And please remember that 90% of our problems are caused by our own thoughts so when you feel stressed give it over to God and let it all go out the window.  And become the Queen who already made the decision.


Remember you are the daughter of the most high GOD

Go after what you want.



P.S.  Wanting to learn more about how you can have the life God created for you step into.  Ready to step in to becoming the Queen of your life?

There is still time to join our 6 week workshop of doing exactly what it takes to step into your life.

Passionate Life Workshop: Discover how to add passion and elegance into your life



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