7 Christian Dating Myths Debunked. Think the most common rules for Christian dating are Biblical? Think again.
Can I be totally honest with you?
With the first look, the first meeting.
The worrying about whether or they are going to look the same in real life or nothing like their profile pic.
But when you add some truly bad advice (and really lies) into the mix, it can be downright impossible to find love.
And unfortunately, Christian culture, just like any other, can be a breeding ground for bad advice when it comes to dating.
This is because our fallible, human-run church culture can sometimes get some weird ideas in its collective head-
Really, to be honest, ideas that aren’t really supported by the Bible. And when these confusing ideas are treated as scripture, women suffer.
These Christian dating misconceptions might sound funny, but they can have devastating effects on someone’s love life, keeping them isolated, lonely, and misinformed.
Keep them single when their heart really wants to find someone.
The honest to God truth is that the Bible really doesn’t give us any clear guidelines for dating.
The fact is, dating, as we know it, has existed for less than a century. Before our modern dating rituals, there was the strict system of courtship in which few even got to choose who they married—dating occurred after marriage.
Dating occurred after the marriage.
And we wonder why we have all the advice on “How to Dating after your Married”
But that is for another post.
In the Bible, all you’ll find are guidelines on sex and marriage, and these are pretty simple: don’t sleep with anyone outside of marriage, don’t commit adultery once you’re married, and treat your romantic partner with love, kindness, and passion.
But the Christian culture is stuck between the awkward stage of old courtship rituals and our modern-day dating.
To help you sort this all out,
Let’s take a look at the 7 Lies of Christian dating advice ever told so that you can tell fact from fiction.
Wait upon the Lord:
I really need to get something of my chest.
If I hear one more time “oh I am just waiting on the Lord to bring me, my man”
Why do we still believe that lie from the Evil One?
Because that is exactly what it is.
But we hear it all the time.
You hear from well-meaning churchgoers “Just wait. God will give you a sign as soon as you meet the man you’re supposed to marry.”
OK really we don’t live in a fairy tale.
So, what is the Biblical basis for this statement?
I am not entirely sure because the Bible never says that your husband will be revealed this way.
Like ever. God never says that.
Instead of waiting for a sign from God, internalize real, Biblical teachings on how you should live your life. Learn the fruits of the spirit. Model your choices after those of Christ. And then find someone who not only exhibits these same principles, but who also makes you joyful, inspired, and madly in love.
God placed dreams, hopes, and passions within you—
You know what kind of person you’re attracted to.
Don’t wait for a sign. It’s already there in your heart, right where God put it.
You dream of the big day…
The perfect man smiling at you as you walk down the aisle lined with rose petals.
Your soulmate, the one who is going to love you forever.
Nothing bad will ever happen now.
Once again we don’t live in Fairy Tale.
This lie revolves around the idea that God has designated one perfect romantic partner for each of us.
But when you think about this in terms of scripture, this idea is totally BS.
Imagine you fall in love and get married, but years later, things turn sour. (because they will. see lie #7)
Did you marry the wrong person? Did you single-handedly destroy God’s plan for both you, and this mysterious person you never got to meet?
Nowhere does the Bible teach this. Instead, it merely teaches that we’re to look for Godly qualities in those we wish to marry.
Other than that, the search is up to us.
The real danger of belief in the soul mate lie often comes after marriage, when a relationship becomes more difficult to maintain. One partner might suddenly take this difficulty as a sign that their spouse isn’t actually their soul mate, and use this as an excuse to leave.
But here’s the truth: you don’t find a soul mate.
Love is hard.
God never says in the Bible that you will suddenly be perfect and nothing will go wrong.
Love is a choice every day.
This is why you have to work on yourself and make yourself whole.
Because finding your “soul mate” is not going to happen.
Don’t fall for this lie. You have a whole world of men to choose from.
Jesus is All You Need:
Can we get a show of hands, at your frustration at your lack of dates?
And you’ve been told that “Jesus is the only relationship you need.”
Or just me while I was waiting for my King?
Get this—remember when God made Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden? Do you remember what He said about them?
“The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”
It’s not good or man—or woman—to be alone. Men and women yearn for one another and were made for each other.
We have this inborn psychological and physical needs that can only be met through a romantic connection with another human being.
If God knew Adam was fine with just Him, God would have never made Eve.
Really we tend to forget that God walked the earth with Adam.
Adam had all the access to God anytime he wanted.
He literally talked with God all the time.
But, Adam was still lonely.
There was still something missing.
Yes, Jesus is all we need in the spiritual sense, but just as you can’t read the Bible in place of eating and drinking, a relationship with God doesn’t take the place of a romantic relationship.
To achieve true joy in your life, aspire for both.
All You Need is Faith:
OK so I know I have said that the only Non-negotiable is they do have to believe in Jesus.
However, really that is only the beginning.
Everything can be negotiated.
But you need to know what you can live with for the rest of your life.
When you start dating, it’s often drilled into you to ignore all of a potential mate’s attributes save for one—faith. After all, it’s selfish to want someone who you’re attracted to, and who makes you happy, right?
When you’re looking up and down a potential date—if it’s serious—you need to look at the whole person. Someone could be as faithful as can be, but might simply not be your type. You may be a tea-and-books person, and he may be a party animal. You might want a life spent traveling, while your potential date may be a shut-in.
Everyone has their own unique blend of qualities, and you have to find that one person who has qualities you can fall in love with to go along with their faith.
If you only judge your dates only by their theology, you’re going to have a hard time finding happiness, so don’t fall for this Lie.
Pair and A Spare:
Only date with a “Purpose” or You “Court”, not Date.
How many times have you heard that one?
Within many Christian circles, dating for fun is synonymous with sin.
Because that first date is a big step toward an eventual “I do,” right?
It’s time to take a breath and step back from this lie.
This lie dates back to the olden days of highly structured courtship when dating didn’t exist and most of your “dating” decisions were made for you by your culture and life circumstances, with marriage following soon after.
Doesn’t exactly sound fun, does it?
It’s not Biblical either.
Scripture tells us that we should make sure someone is living out their Christian faith and that we shouldn’t engage in sexual activity before you have the ring on the finger and the caterer on the speed dial. Those guidelines are there to protect us from heartbreak.
But other than that, we’re free to find love in the best way possible—through trial and error, and through the sense of reason, God gave us.
After all, how else would you discover what kind of person you like best?
This by all means not to sleep with every guy you meet.
There is a balance between dating lots of different guys to get a feel for what you like and don’t like.
Also, this helps you get your King and the ring way faster than just dating one guy at a time.
Toss this lie aside and get to know a bunch of great guys. That’s the only way to find the one who is right for you, and how you can be right for someone else.
Let’s Get It On….
Being in public with the one you are dating….
Sexuality is one of the biggest taboos of Christian culture—so much so, that some feel that unmarried people should never go out on one-on-one dates so as to avoid any temptation.
But scripture does give us guidelines on the actual act of sex, it’s much less forthcoming about things like kissing or making out.
That part is up to us, and while each couple’s threshold is different, most can have the self-control to bond through touch without moving on to sex.
That touch is so important.
It helps you grow closer to man and allows you to get to know him all the better.
When you don’t have that, your dating relationship can feel empty and unsatisfying.
And really who wants that.
You might as well be dating your brother.
But the even bigger problem here is the fact that physical intimacy—even something as innocuous as hand-holding—is equated with dirtiness and sin.
But when this message is hammered into your head for years, you’re going to have some intimacy problems when you do get married.
You’ll be afraid to explore and experiment.
Physical intimacy isn’t dirty. It’s sacred, and re-framing sexuality in this way will do you a lot of good after marriage.
God will make your relationship Perfect.
This totally goes along the lines of finding your soulmate.
Nothing bad will ever happen to us if we put God at the center of our relationship.
Ok, so I kind of feel like I am bringing bad news
…. But this really a great and awesome thing.
And it certainly doesn’t mean that God can’t work miracles and wonders in your relationship.
No—this is about sweeping problems under the rug simply because you’ve prayed about them and expect them to just disappear.
Your relationship is a living thing.
They have to be nurtured, taken care of, and made to grow.
They change over time, and we have to change with them.
Problems arise, and they must be dealt with, sometimes with great difficulty.
Simply saying “Let go and let God,” when problems occur is just plain lazy.
Remember when Moses tried to pull that trick when God told him he had to go face Pharaoh?
God told Moses to get up and do it anyway—with a little help I might add.
God was with Moses, but He expected Moses to do his part.
God is with you, but He expects you to do your part.
Even the best dating relationships aren’t perfect—
You have to compromise and learn how to treat one another with respect, even when you really angry.
Believe I know this hard.
For me, it is one of the hardest that God is still working in me.
When you go to God with your problems, but don’t stop there.
Apply Biblical principles—
Such as kindness, respect, and love—
This will go a long way to repair your relationships when they go wrong.
Date Like A Queen:
Godly Dating is what God wants.
And our Christian culture may not always get it right,
If you’re ever in doubt about what God does and doesn’t say about dating, take a peek at scripture and find out for yourself.
You might be surprised at what’s a lie and what’s actually Biblical.
But in the meantime, enjoy your Christian dating life to the fullest by avoiding these lies.
Remember You are the Daughter of the Most High God
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