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Confessions of Recovering Control Freak: How to get your life back by Let Go and Let God.

 

I don’t even know when my control tendencies.  But I remember wanting to control everything in my life. What I was wearing, to what everyone else was doing, and Lord help them all if they were not doing what I wanted them to do.

I am a first born type A personality, however, I am much more deeper than that.

I don’t want to be put into a box and that says you are this. Or you are that.

Another thing about being a control freak is we want to control everything and everyone around us however we don’t want to be controlled or told what to do. Because really we are the one who knows everything and yes we really do know everything.

I don’t know if that is one of the triggers that come with being a control freak is you really have a feeling that you know what is best for everyone.

I am part of a wonderful Women’s Bible Study with women who are young with young babies, and women who are older with grandbabies. And everyone in between. One thing that I notice about these women is we all want to control, we all want to solve the problems, especially the problems with our kids involved. We want to tell God what to do and how to do it.

I am fully aware that God is in control and I don’t have control over the big things in my life.  I would like to think I have little control over the everyday things in our life but the big things are a different story.  I do believe there is a fine line between.

(Because really if you don’t fold the towels the right way they won’t fit into the linen closet the right way.)

This seems to be a pattern that I see, so why do we feel like we have to control everything and everyone in our lives.

We know that it is not healthy behavior for us or those around us.

However, we still fall into this trap.

We pray and we read all the Bible verse that shows us that God is in control.

My favorite one is

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” ~ Philippians 4:6-7

I love this verse and we hear it all the time.

And we hear in all churches and church groups,

LET GO AND LET GOD.

Yet we still want to control we still want to do things our way.

We worry and we have anxiety over the people and the problems we have in our lives.

But why?

Well one of the reasons why we still want to control the people in our lives, the circumstance in our lives is because of one thing

WE HAVE FEAR.

Our anxiety and worry doesn’t come from thinking about the future, but from wanting to control it.

We want to control the outcome because we are fearful of the future.

We don’t know what is going to happen next so we want to control it because we can’t see into the future.

So it becomes a recurring cycle.

Which is why it is so important to Let Go and Let God

I know it is a cliché but it is one because it is so true.

The only way that God can show you and I that He is in Control is to put us in situation’s that we cannot control.

The only way that God can show you and I that He is in Control is to put us in situation’s that we cannot control. Click To Tweet

 

There was about a 5 year period in my life that was extremely challenging for me.

I was young and still thought that I could control everything in my life.

I thought that everyone should just do what I say because really I do know everything, but alas God had a plan for me to get over my mass control issues.

Number 1 being 9/11

Now, this is something I had no control over at all, but just like the rest of the Americans it forever changed my life.

My husband at the time was Army and was soon deployed to Iraq soon after 9/11 happened he was one of the first to be deployed there.

Now as strange as seems now but this was before everyone had a cell phone and cell towers were everywhere.

I had to wait by the phone once a week for my husband to call. I couldn’t just call him up and see how he was doing.

We had a 14-month-old baby at the time and I had to do all the parenting by myself.

Which being young and alone was a lot to take on.

My ex-husband was gone for 18 months but he did come once for a two week leave, and as married couples do after being away from each other for so lone we did and I got pregnant. However this baby was not meant to live on outside, I was only able to have this baby in life for about 14 weeks before he died. Now logically I know that there was something every wrong with the baby because I went on to have 3 more pregnancies that produced 4 healthy boys. However, that doesn’t make the pain any less or my need to control my life any less. The pain and the fear are real and something I had no control over.

I could go on and on about what God has done in my life showing me that he is in control and that He will always take care of me no matter what,

But I will go on to tell you that I got married, had a baby, moved from Seattle to South Mississippi, had a husband deployed, lost a baby, got pregnant again, survived hurricane Katrina, had my mother-in-law die, got pregnant again, got divorced, moved back up to Seattle, had to move back in with my mother, starting dating, got married, had twins and became a big family of 8, become a blended family, had my brother die in car accent. All within a 15 year period of time.

Man, I was a huge control Freak!

God had a lot of work to do on me and still does I still sometimes want to control those around me and the circumstance around me.

I still feel sometimes like look if you do it my way then it will be better.

 

Everyone Thinks They Are Right:

But over the course of my life, I have learned that one everyone thinks they are right and two 6+9=15 and so does 5+10=15.

When you can let go of the fear the world becomes more relaxed and more open.

When you know and trust that God is always with you, you can relax a little bit with the control.

Because when you start with Peace, knowing that God is bigger than anything that you will face today.

You can take on the world.

When you step back and become grounded in the Lord and now that the Lord has got this then that is when you can let go of the control.

When you can rise above and look that the big picture of your life and see things from others point of view then you can live in less fear, less unknowing and learn to trust that others may have a better way of doing things then you do.

 

“Tune your ears to wisdom and concentrate on understanding.” ~Proverbs 2:2

 

Belonging and Security:

You my, beautiful Queen, belong the in the Kingdom of the Most High God.

You can trust in that God is always with you. You don’t need to worry about what is going to happen in the next 5 minutes. I know sometimes that is really hard to do. I know the pain you are feeling when you see that the baby inside of you is no longer growing and then there is nothing that can be done about that. I know what is like to have a dream of having a little girl that you can share recipes and makeup tips with but know that God has a plan for you to be a boy mom with farting and guns around the house all the time.

But this is where faith and trust in the Lord comes in. We must trust in the Lord every day.

We don’t have to worry about what tomorrow brings because God is already there.

So what can you do because Lord knows that it is way easier for someone to tell you “Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not lean on your own understanding.” (Proverbs 3:5) Then to actually do it.

I have heard it too so many times over the last 17 years of my life.

One of the best things though I learned is to write it out. Write out everything that you are concerned about thinking about all day. Then you need to cross them out. Yep, the act of crossing them out is a very powerful way of changing your thought pattern.

After you have crossed them out the next step is to replace the statements you think about all time with statements that you do want to think about.  Until you change your thinking you will always repeat the same experiences. 

Change your thought pattern is a very powerful way to let God be in control.  So instead of worry about the situation’s or people you cannot change, shift your energy and thought pattern to what you can create.

“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing

Of your mind.” ~ Romans 12:2

 

Happens For Me, Not To Me

This was a pretty hard lesson for me to learn. Because when we tend to have the mindset that things just happen to us then we are playing the victim in our own story.

When we change our mindset to things happen for us, it brings us quickly to the mindset of What does God want me to learn from this.

When you start thinking about this is happing for me then the everyday things like having a fight delayed or having someone cancel an appointment on you, or someone cuts you off in traffic. The everyday things are lessons that God shows us and allows us to grown and become closer to Him and to become the Queen of Our Lives.

When I finally discover this it was a game changer for me.  Everything from the Big things like my brother died suddenly to the everyday things like wiping up pee from the bathroom floor again. I will tell myself that they are happening for me, what can I learn from this, how can I trust God with this.

“Do not worry about your life, what you will ear; or about your body, what you will wear. Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. Consider the ravens; They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or bar; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Since you cannot do this very little things, why do you worry about the rest?” ~ Luke 12:22-26

 

SELF LOVE:

Ok so really the bottom line of being a control freak is that we really don’t feel like we have control over ourselves.

When we learn to just let go and know that it is totally Ok to stop, take a deep breath and enjoy the world around us at this moment. We don’t know what is going to happen in the future but when we the promise of God’s love and when we truly start to love ourselves then we step out and trust more. Trust the future, the future is not there to hurt us or manipulate us.

So when we start to support ourselves in our decisions, when we learn that it is totally ok to ask for and accept help that we are really letting God know that we Love Him and Love Ourselves.

When we look to God to become our security our true security we have a calmness and trust of the unknown this is real self-love.

We must learn to be rooted in the love and the strength of God’s love so we can love ourselves and not be afraid of someone or something that is different than us. We can be grounded in who we are and not have to control everything around us.

Oh, this makes life so much more enjoyable.

 

Learning to Let Go and Let God does take time, and it is not easy but it can be done. Just one step at a time.

Take time each day to pray, to change your thought patterns and to nourish your body and stay grounded in the Lord, it does become easier to not want to control everything around you, you will have good days and bad days ( because really does anyone in this house know how to fold towels?) but you will grow.

You can and will grow into the Queen that God created you to be.

Remember to live your life with passion!

XOXO

Terra

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